I've been quiet here because there has been too much to say...the paradox of blogging.
I have had my new mare for a month now, and unfortunately not a lot of good came out of that month. She got injured, I got scared. The happy ending, or happy beginning, is that I have moved her back to her old barn and last night, I rode her for the first time since July 6th.
I should have kept her there all along, but don't we all wish we could turn back time and make better choices, choices that can only be clear in hindsight?
More changes are on the horizon, and it's this wish for x-ray vision into the future and the shadow of the unknown that is making me hesitant to commit to any one thing.
But amid the spin of all the options and the circumstances that I ride the wave of, some pieces seem to be settling into pattern like multicolor shards in a kaleidoscope. The simple heart of the matter is:
Last night I pushed back all the reasons not to, and got back on my new horse.
We only walked. We're still figuring each other out. We are finding our way back to the place we started, where we didn't have a good history or a bad history, but no history. We will walk as slowly as we need to onto a clean page.
After I took her saddle off I stood facing her and wrapped my arms over the top of her neck. She lowered her head and pressed her forehead into my chest. We both sighed. We both promised to try.